She
by jesseleesoffer
Summary: Erin gets shot on the job and Jay is trying so unbelievably hard to remain professional. So what do you do when your close friend, partner/co-worker, go-to-girl and almost lover gets shot and could be dying?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own CPD or the characters.

**_After watching the promo for the crossover episode I couldn't help but wonder what would go on between Halstead and Lindsay during the aftermath of her getting shot. Enjoy.  
><em>**

* * *

><p>"Dispatch, this is Detective Jay Halstead. I need an ambulance! Shots have been fired at the police. I repeat, shots have been fired at the police, we have a man down!"<p>

He keeps pressure on her lower abdomen trying to remain rational. He looks up at Sergeant Benson, "I've got her, I need you to catch that sick son of a bitch..."

"Okay..." She sighs, "Rollins, I need you and some back up... We're headed east down on George St."

* * *

><p>"Erin, you know the drill... You keep talking to me until this ambulance arrives..." Jay smiles nervously, "tell me more about your brother?"<p>

She smiles weakly, "I haven't seen him for a decade but there wasn't much good blood between us anyway... Our parents were deadbeat–" she winces taking a deep breath, "I–I'm so sorry..."

It feels like it has been hours since he called for an ambulance. Jay knows he shouldn't move her because he could cause more damage but he feels so helpless.

"Hey, it's fine! You just focus on staying with me Linds..."

She tries to laugh but it hurts too much, "I don't know why you're so worried—this is a part of our job..."

He shrugs, "can't a guy worry from time to time?"

"Dispatch, where's that ambulance?"

"Halstead, it's Mills we're rounding the corner now..."

"Mills, Lindsay is bleeding out man—round it faster!"

* * *

><p>"Jay! Talk to me, what's her status!" Voight yells through the comms.<p>

Jay looks at Erin laying still on the stretcher, "Hey Sarge, we're on route to Chicago Med... She's stable for now but the bullets still in there..."

"And where's Sergeant Benson?"

"On route with Rollins and some of the patrol men to chase our perpetrator..."

"Alright, you stay by her side Jay. You make sure nothing else happens to her!"

Jay nods, "Copy that Sarge."


	2. Chapter 2

Erin's his partner and he is meant to have her back. Everything happened so quickly—one moment she was on her feet and next she was bleeding and in his arms. He shakes his head trying not to replay everything. He should have had her back. He could have done something. Deep down he knows it's not his fault and he knows that Erin would tell him there was nothing he could have done and it wasn't his fault.

He has been waiting for an hour or so since they'd arrived at the hospital. It's been rough on him—the whole close friend and flirtation thing didn't help with seeing her like this.

He stands up immediately looking at Dr Alec Willhite for an update, "Hey Alec, what's the update on Erin?"

Alec smiles sympathetically, "we've managed to stop the bleeding and remove the bullet... it was touch and go for a bit but she should be okay…" he sighed, "does she have any family members you'd want to contact?"

Jay takes a deep breath, "I'm her family" he says, "you know that..."

Alec nods knowing the exact feeling of worry and helplessness. He lost his wife to a gunshot wound. He couldn't help but feel sorry for Jay.

"The bullet was lodged in her liver, so we just need to monitor her for the next couple of days…" he pats Jay on the back, "but as I said, we got the bullet out and now she just needs time to recover—she'll be okay…"

Jay nods, "that's okay with me as long as she is alive, okay?" He looks at Alec whispering, "She is everything to me..."

He nods, "You know I'll do everything and anything I can for Erin..."

* * *

><p>"Hank, it's Jay. The doctors said she'll be okay. The surgery went smooth but the need to keep her in the ICU to monitor her vitals."<p>

He leaves a message for Voight knowing he's out there literally hunting the perp. 

* * *

><p>She's been out of surgery for an hour now and Jay still hasn't gone in to see her. Every time he has been in to see someone all wired up—it has been bad news. He doesn't want to see her like that with wires and tubes everywhere—the beeping monitors were already too overwhelming. The doctors say she'll be fine but he just needs her to wake up and tell him herself.<p>

Jay knows that he should be there in her room and he should be supporting her because he made a promise to her: to have her back. Yet he's too afraid to see her be that vulnerable, it's too hard to see her like that.

"Detective Halstead?" Nadia whispers.

He looks up and smiles softly, "Call me Jay..." patting the seat next to him, "what's up?"

She hands him a coffee and a brown paper bag, "I just know she wouldn't want you out here starving yourself..." She sits down next to him, "she'd probably even tell you to go home…"

Jay smirks, nodding in agreement, "hey thanks for this Nadia…" he says, "how are you holding up? I know she means a lot to you…"

"She's Erin Lindsay…" the young girl shrugs, "I just know she'll pull through…"

Jay smiles taking a sip of his coffee, "so you're not the least bit worried?"

Nadia chuckles, "I was terrified when you called the first time but you just know she wouldn't go without a fight…"

He chuckles because that's an accurate description of Erin: stubborn and feisty. "I know–" he looks at her, "hey wanna see her?"

Nadia shook her head, "I gotta head back to the district" she smirks, "but when you do eventually get the courage to go in there, tell her I stopped by?"

He nodded, "of course" he smiles, "and thanks for all this Nadia..."

She smiled in return, "it's what she would have done..." 


	3. Chapter 3

Voight's voice booms throughout the cage, "YOU CAME AFTER MY FAMILY! YOU SHOT ONE OF MY OWN!"

Olinsky looks towards the rest of the team, "we got other work to do..."

Ruzek and Atwater nod.

"Hank, we'll see you upstairs..." 

* * *

><p>"Do you think this guy'll make it out of the cage?" Ruzek whispers to Atwater.<p>

Atwater shakes his head, "he shot Erin and she's in the ICU—lil mama has some fight in her but if she y'know ..." he pauses briefly, "Voight would put the dude in a casket himself..."

"Have you spoken to Halstead?" Ruzek asks.

"He called to update us but that's all..."

"Man, he must be a mess..." Ruzek sighed, "I mean if it were me..."

"What are you tryna say?" Atwater questioned, "are you saying?"

"As if you didn't notice?" Ruzek chuckled, "dude—you gotta be dense..."

"Well it's not my business" he arches a brow crossing his arms, "Lindsay pulls rank over both of us and she may look tiny but she's got bite..."

Ruzek chuckles, "don't I know it..." 

* * *

><p>Jay stands outside her room looking through the glass panels, she looks peaceful despite being shot and undergoing surgery. This would probably be the last place he'd imagine himself at when he woke up this morning—watching Erin recover through a glass panel. Yet despite everything, he's still standing there admiring her… still waiting for her to tell him that'll be okay and that it's not his fault.<p>

"You know you can actually go inside the room sir?" A nurse points out.

"I know, I just think she needs to rest..." He shrugs, "she's been through a lot..."

"You know there have been studies where people heal quicker when their loved ones are around them..." She smiles softly, "I know I don't know you Sir but I know what love looks like because it's in this ICU all the time..."

She shrugs, "I mean it's none of my business but if you love her go be by her side and show her..."

Jay smiled softly, "thanks..." 

* * *

><p>"Jay Halstead..." he smiles, "former soldier..."<p>

She smiled right back at him, "Erin Lindsay" she replied.

"So Erin how long have you known Sergeant Voight—I only ask because you two are quite close..."

"Voight and I go way back... And that's all you get for today newbie..." She smirks.

He puts up his hands in defeat, "alright... Don't want to step on any feet..."

"Oh, and I only have one rule: I drive everywhere" she pauses pursing her lips a little, "make that two rules: don't bring your personal issues here with you..."

He nods, "duly noted..." 

* * *

><p>Jay genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself, so he just settles for sitting in the chair by her bed. He contemplates reaching out and holding her hand but he figures the whole "lets be professional" boundaries thing is still in place.<p>

He knows she's in there, it's as if she were sleeping. The beeping is really irritating but it does put him to ease to know she's medically alive. But he would feel totally comfortable if she gave him a sign, even just a finger twitching.

He just wants to hear her voice, he wants to see her roll her eyes and tell him that he's overreacting but he knows her body needs to recover. So he waits watching her chest steadily rise and fall.

"I'm gonna be so pissed off if you don't come back to me..." He whispers, "like royally pissed Erin..."

"Like incomprehensibly pissed—if I lose you, I lose everything; my best friend, partner and my go-to-girl..." He smiles to himself, fidgeting with his hands, "you can't leave me before one day..."


	4. Chapter 4

"Lindsay, I've got you covered... Let's move!"

She nods in reply.

There were probably five or more criminals between the two of them and the rest of their squad was waiting outside. They're both sharp shooters so there really isn't an issue but you can never be too careful. They're pretty damn thrilled when they make out alive and mostly unscathed.

"Hey, thanks for all that back there..." She smiles, "pretty badass…"

Jay nods, "To protect and serve, right?"

She nods "right..."

* * *

><p>"I know you're probably in a deep sleep but you need to be fine for me and you need to be more than fine for Voight—he can't lose you too..." His voice quivers.<p>

"Just come back to us please..." Jay pleads, "If there's one thing your stubborn ass can do for us now is to come home..."

* * *

><p>She doesn't know how it happened—well she does know how it happened but you know what she's getting at. They start spending more time together outside work just the usual stuff like drinks at Molly's and whatnot. But then they start having dinners together and they're never awkward, mostly she just likes the fact that she can have an honest conversation with him and not have the whole 'sex at the end of the night' card on the table.<p>

Being partners and hanging out like that, it's got her really comfortable around him and she kind of trusts him (which is a rare thing these days).

"The Blackhawks are playing tonight, want to watch the game at mine?" She offers.

He shrugs, "yeah, I got nothing better to do..."

She rolls her eyes, "typical—just make sure you bring beer this time..."

He chuckles, "yeah, I still owe you a six pack from two weeks ago..."

She scoffs playfully, "more like two months ago!"

"Yeah yeah... Whatever!" He nudges her, "I'll see you around 7:30 and if you're lucky I might even buy you dinner!" He smirks.

* * *

><p>It's been a couple of hours since this whole nightmare began. Jay rests his head in his hands trying to put up a good front but he's exhausted. He is emotionally and physically spent, you can do all the training in the world but nothing ever really prepares you to see your partner get shot in front of you.<p>

He takes a deep breath looking back at her, he just wants to be there when she wakes up. She's been the constant in his life and losing her just wouldn't be okay.

He remembers all the times she's been there for him, whether he has needed it or not. She was always kind of there, no questions asked and he loved her for it. He remembers when she showed up with Chinese takeout and beer after he was put on suspension, albeit she was advised not to see him but she did so anyway.

He remembers the nights they'd spent on her couch just talking about everything. He remembers the month she disappeared for a while because she had a boyfriend and he had to respect that. But despite everything Jay remembers that she's his family—he would do anything and almost everything for her. She's been there for him through some rough patches and she's kind of the best wing woman a guy could have.

* * *

><p>Caffeine is really all he has going for him, it's his third cup of the day. He's losing his mind not knowing how the squad is going and not being able to help. He should have news from Voight by now, right? Even if it's not total news, he just needs an update.<p>

"Halstead..." a gravelly voice calls out to him.

Jay turns meeting the tired eyes of his sergeant, "Hey Sarge…" he smiles takes a deep breath.

Voight rubs his hands nervously, "how is she?"

"She's stable, so far nothing serious to keep her here longer than tonight but she hasn't woken up..." Jay shrugs, "I'll take you to her..."

* * *

><p>Jay leaves Voight to talk with her in private. Over the course of his time working in Intelligence, he could see how deeply Voight and Erin cared for each other. The guy was basically Erin's only family and although Jay was skeptical of Voight at first, he now knows how far he would go to protect his own.<p>

Voight smiles taking Erin's pale hand in his, "you know kid you're really scaring me here..."

"And you know I don't scare easily Erin..." He sighs, "you were meant to be wearing your vest..."

"We got the guy though and I'm gonna make sure he rots in prison for the rest of his life..." He smiles squeezing her hand gently, "so you rest up, okay? You make sure you come right on back here..."

He kisses her forehead before exiting the room.

"Hey Jay, I got a lot of paperwork to do…" he places a hand on Jay's shoulder, "and with Justin and Olive at my house–"

"Sarge, I get it..."

"I'll be back to check on her in the morning" Voight nods, "you should go home and get some rest Jay…"

Jay tiredly smiles, "I hope you don't mind if stay around for awhile Sarge? I just need to be here for her..."

"You're a good man Jay," Voight pats him on the back, "but you need to take care of yourself too..."

Jay nods understanding Voight's concern but he just needed to be there.

"I promise I'll rest up when she's okay…" he nods, "Ruzek's dropping a bag off for me so it's really not a hassle sir..."

"Just get some rest..."

"I will sarge..."

* * *

><p>"Hey man..." Ruzek smiles, handing over the duffel bag he brought for Jay.<p>

Jay smiles back, "hey..."

"You should have seen Voight man—it was like when we dealt with Pulpo but like a billion times worse..." He smiles reassuring Jay.

"I bet..." Jay tiredly laughs.

Ruzek pats him on the back, "She'll be alright Jay—this is Erin we're talking about!" he grins, "She's got more fight than all of us dudes put together..."

He smiles again, "yeah so everyone keeps telling me but I just need to see her with her eyes open and telling me I'm overreacting..."

Adam chuckles, "dude I don't think that'll be a problem... Ladies of the 21st district are all hard asses!"

Jay lets out a genuine laugh, "yeah man—hey thanks for all this by the way..."

"Anytime dude, you'd do the same for me..." He smiles, "plus Kim wanted an update..."

Jay smiles, "I don't know how you're getting away with this dude but I'm happy for you and Burgess..."

"You and Erin will figure this out..." Ruzek shrugs, "hey but y'know I gotta head off but the whole unit is coming by tomorrow so I'll see you then..."

Jay nods.

* * *

><p>He washes his face although it does nothing for his tired exterior. He looks like he's been drinking for three weeks straight and has a deadly hangover. He changes into some cleaner clothes considering he has her blood all over his shirt and jeans. He makes his way back to her room after repeatedly telling himself that it was going to be okay and that Erin was going to be okay.<p>

He sits in the chair by her bed just like he has for the past eight hours and yet there's still nothing—just her chest slowly rising and falling.

He finally allows himself to be vulnerable giving into the feelings he had so desperately tried to repress. He hesitantly takes one of her hands in his own, surprised by how cold they are—it scares him a little. She should be warm, right?

He watches her seeing if making contact with her made a difference. Nothing. He runs his thumb over her knuckles smiling noticing a little scar on her middle knuckle. He comes up with the most ridiculous—although now that he thinks about it, it could be possible—backstory about how she knocked a guy in the nose because he was talking back to her and she ended up having to get stitches.

She's gotta be one of the most fearless people he knows and one of the few people that can actually manage rifles like she does.

"I got your back..." he whispers.

* * *

><p>She doesn't remember much. All she can manage to remember is the pain that came after being shot. She knows she was out chasing someone with Jay and Sargent Benson but she has no recollection of the ambulance or the hospital.<p>

The pain's still there but at least she's alive, right?

It takes her a while to realize that someone else is in the room with her—it's dark so she can't really make out who the figure it actually is. It's around two in the morning and the only person she could think of that would be in the chair was Voight.

The build wasn't right though. The guy was taller and had broader shoulders. She smiles to herself falling back to sleep knowing exactly who was in that chair.


	5. Chapter 5

She wakes abruptly, feeling like she can't breathe. She grips onto the bed sheets literally gasping for air.

Panicking she calls out to the figure in the chair, "Kelly!" tears rimming her eyes.

Jay wakes up alarmed, sitting upright in his chair, "Erin... It's Jay..."

She's hyperventilating and she doesn't know why. She can't even control it. She's trying to slow it all down but nothing is working.

Jay? Wait. It's Jay. The figure was Jay. What? She tries to focus on him attempting to slow her breathing, again. But it isn't working, again.

Jay moves closer to her side, sitting on the edge of her bed running his fingers through her hair and bringing her close, "hey it's okay..." He whispers to her attempting to calm her down.

She clings onto his shirt her head resting on his shoulder. She listens to his steady heartbeat imitating his breaths. Her eyes are closed again and she's just listening to him whisper that it'll be okay.

Jay notices that her breathing has slowed down and she's relatively calm, there's no place he'd rather be right now. Despite how tired he is himself, Jay continues to hold her tight. He lays her back down completely trying to ignore the fact that she called out Severide's name whilst she was panicking. He's honestly just glad that she's alive.

He stays with her until she falls back asleep, her head snugly resting on his chest. He gently runs his fingers through her hair whilst the nurses explain that it's normal for her to feel discomfort after her surgery but he sits there wondering if it's normal to yell out your ex-boyfriend's name too. He wonders why she would think Severide would be the one by her side. As far as he knows they haven't spoken to one another since the breakup. The split was hard for the two of them, albeit was amicable and they still have to work together every now and then—it just didn't make sense to him, they're not _that_ close.

Jay moves slowly out of the bed trying not to wake her. He brushes the hair out of her face before settling into his chair again. 

* * *

><p>Jay's neck is a little stiff when he wakes up again and this time it's around 5:30AM. He checks his phone nothing major... Just a couple missed calls and unanswered texts but no one he really urgently needs to get back to. He makes his way to the bathroom, splashing some water on his face to slightly wake himself up. He knows he shouldn't feel bad about her calling out for Kelly because she really did like the guy but did Erin have a mental lapse after the surgery?<p>

He grabs a coffee from the hospital cafeteria before heading back to her. She's talking to Dr Willhite when he walks into the room. She smiles at him genuinely glad he's there.

"So Alec, what's her prognosis?" He asks, leaning against the doorframe.

"Erin should make a full recovery if she doesn't push it too much..." he smiles, "she won't be cleared for duty for another week or so..."

Erin's brows furrow, she hates being benched. It meant a week of paperwork and phone calls and she is hates dealing with people over the phone. It's just difficult. However, it did mean that she could hang out with Nadia a little bit more.

Jay chuckles, "I'll make sure Voight knows that and I'll be sure that she's at her desk..."

"Good man!" Alec jokes.

Erin rolls her eyes unamused, "mhmm..." 

* * *

><p>They sit in silence for a while, Erin looking at him whilst he stood by the window slowly sipping on his coffee.<p>

"Jay..." She whispers, her voice raspier than usual.

He looks over at her, "what's up Linds?"

"You didn't have to stay..." She shrugged, "go home, take a shower... Get some air..."

He sits back in his chair, shaking his head, "it's fine, really... I'm just glad you're okay..."

"About this morning..." She chews on her bottom lip.

"You don't have to explain..." He smiled trying to mask his own sadness, "I get it..."

"No—Jay, just shut up and let me speak..." She sighed, "I just wanted to thank you for holding me last night..."

He arches a brow, "you thanking me or 'Kelly'..."

She rolled her eyes, "you, you idiot."

"Well you're welcome..." He smiles.

"It's just I didn't think you'd be here all night is all..." She chews on her bottom lip, "I know you would have stayed until I got out of surgery but you're still here..."

He fiddled with his fingers not wanting to make eye contact with her, "did you want me to leave?"

She shakes her head, "no..."

He looks up at her smiling softly, "okay..."


	6. Chapter 6

She tosses in the bed trying to get comfy but she can't seem to find the spot. She groans sitting up, "Jay..."

He looks at her groggily, "what's up?"

She smiles, he looks dorkier when he's sleepy. He was definitely right about her missing his stupid face if she takes the taskforce job.

"Come here..." she whispers, "just…"

He rubs his eyes, moving closer to her bed. "What?"

She moves over to the left side of the bed, "I can't sleep..."

"You expect me to fit there?" he asks arching a brow, "Erin, you do realize that I'm at least three heads taller than you?"

"Jay..." She frowns, "c'mon..."

She did that face and he couldn't say no to that face, instead he rolls his eyes pretending that he's not okay with it. But as soon as he's next to her he instinctively wraps his arms around her resting his head on her shoulder.

"Better?" He whispers.

She smiles to herself, "it's probably against hospital regulation…" she chews on her bottom lip, "but this is extremely better…"

"Now get some rest because everyone is swinging by this afternoon…" He presses a soft kiss on her shoulder.

* * *

><p>Someone clears their throat at the door and the two of them look like horny teens getting caught by their parents.<p>

Jay sits up stretching smiling sheepishly at one of Alec's interns, Sarah Porter.

Erin shrugs, "c'mon doc he's good for my recovery..." She joked.

The young doctor let out a little chuckle, "I bet but I need to check your blood pressure and check your bandage..."

Erin smiles, "sounds like a plan..."

"Umm, you're going to have to lift up your gown for the bandage check so..."

Erin chuckles, "Jay's a big boy I think he can handle a little blood..."

Sarah shook her head, "it's not that... But judging by the way you two were sleeping it's nothing he hasn't seen before if you get what I mean?"

Erin's cheeks flush, "oh my god! No—" she laughs awkwardly, "he's just—we've never..."

"We're just friends, honestly..." Jay chuckles, "anyway, I'll be right outside Linds..."

She raises her brow at Erin, "with a friend like that who needs a steady relationship..."

Erin shrugs, "he's a great guy..."

"He has been here since you got in yesterday, he's dedicated..." Sarah smiled checking her blood pressure, "he must really care for you..."

She smiles, "well the feeling is mutual..."

* * *

><p>"We should probably just keep it professional, right?"<p>

He doesn't know why he agrees with her because all he wants is to take her home and spend the whole night making out with her.

"Wanna grab a drink?"

He shakes his head, "I'm alright—I'll see you tomorrow..."

She looks at him pleading almost that it doesn't change anything between them but who was she kidding? It would change a lot for them.

"Jay..."

"No, don't say it..." He shakes his head, "and definitely don't take it back..."

"I just—" she's frustrated because she wants him to know that she wants this but they've got jobs to do. She gently strokes his cheek, feeling his scruff against her skin.

He licks his lips and she chews on her own, "I know..." He whispers, turning his head to kiss the inside of her palm.

"Maybe one day, right?"

She nods once more, "right."

* * *

><p>"Hey man, how you doing?" Antonio greets him, "you look like shit..."<p>

Jay lets out a chuckle, "doing a little better now that she's awake..."

Antonio smiles, "I bet..."

He knows the two have some weird connection but who is he to judge. His sister is dating her lieutenant. Plus, he knows Jay's a good guy (considering he met Jay whilst he was dating Gabby).

"Did you want to see her?" Jay asks, "She's just getting things checked out so I stepped out..."

Antonio nods, "I just figured I'd make it in here earlier" he smirks, "Platt's gone crazy with what she's been calling the 'Lindsay Loan'... Basically, Erin's got a lot to look forward to—food, flowers, cash…"

"I'm sure she'll enjoy that..." Jay smiles jokingly, knowing that Erin hated the attention.

"She's all yours Detective Halstead..." Sarah smirks, "and she's doing great—no signs of infection or any other complications..."

"Good to hear, Dr Porter..." he smiles

"Yeah and just a heads up, _no strenuous physical activity_..." She arched a brow, "I mean it Jay."

Jay scrunches his face in embarrassment, "trust me, there isn't even a possibility of that even happening..."

Antonio attempts to contain his laughter but the look on Jay's face was priceless. He chuckles patting Jay on the back, "hey buddy—you keep telling yourself that, alright?"

* * *

><p>"Hey!" Antonio grins, "There's our girl!"<p>

Erin smiles, "hey you..."

"The district just isn't the same without you kid—" he smirks, "Platt's out of her mind and Ruzek is in dire need of one of your glares…"

She smirks, "Oh I know—you'd all be a mess without me… so let's count our blessings!"

"You just had to go an inflate the ego didn't you Antonio?" Jay shakes his head, "like that tiny body could carry an even bigger head…"

Erin scoffs, "you're just mad because everyone loves me more…"

Antonio chuckles, "you two make quite the pair…"

Antonio's phone interrupts the awkward pause and Erin couldn't be gladder. It saved them from having the awkward 'trust us, we're just friends' conversation with him. "It's Laura—we're finally speaking…"

Jay smiles, "good for you buddy—get that wife back!"

Erin flashes a smile, "mhmm… I agree, she's a total ten Antonio!"

Antonio chuckles, stepping out to answer the call.

Erin looks Jay and flashes him a smile, "Doctor Porter said that I'm probably going to get discharged tomorrow…"

"Well I'm glad because this chair is definitely not suitable for people as tall as me…" he chuckles, "a bigger bed with soft pillows would be nice too…"

She rolls her eyes at him, "you didn't have to stay…"

He shrugged, "I didn't have to but I wanted to—" he pauses, looking at her for a brief moment. He scratched the back of his head, "uh—so did you need anything... did you want me to pick up anything from your apartment?"

She nods pursing her lips as he mentally prepared a list, "there's a couple things that I could use like a change of clothes and my phone charger—but I feel like this is your excuse to get into my apartment to sleep on my bed…"

He smirks, "and if it is?"

She rolled her eyes, "I wouldn't blame you—my bed is the best…"

"That it is Linds, that it is…" he chuckles.


	7. Chapter 7

**_So I know everyone caught that 3-parter crossover event and it was totally rad! But for this fic we're gonna stick to Erin getting shot and everything that comes after that! I also just want to thank all of you for following/favouriting/reviewing this story… I really do appreciate it and I hope y'all appreciate this next chapter! _**

* * *

><p>Erin's apartment block is a ten-minute drive from Jay's place, he knows this because the first time he was lucky enough to even make it to her place (he sat in the car and waited for her) he timed it. He's that guy.<p>

The next time he made it to her place he actually made it through the front door, that's when she told him that she likes that her apartment is on the east side of the building because she likes to watch the sunrise and drink her morning coffee on her balcony. It sets the tone for the day, or so she says.

He likes hanging out at her place because it makes his own place look like a little shack—he's not complaining, all he really needs is a nice bed and a roof over his head. It's just something about her place makes him feel at ease.

He likes the fact that she's got a photo of the two of them on her mantelpiece, mostly because he amongst the people she holds close to her. He's got the exact same photo in his apartment—it was a good day. They'd just finished a major drug bust and the team decided to grab a drink at Molly's. It was one of those days where you really thanked the world and whatever higher power there was for giving you such an amazing day. He remembers the little things and just being happy. Good life, good friends and some beer. What more could he want?

* * *

><p>He arches a brow, "bed shopping?"<p>

"Yes," she nods, "bed shopping dumbass, I need a new bed…"

Jay didn't understand why he needed to be there. Yeah, he could probably lift the bed for her but didn't they have people at the store that did that? Or couldn't she just get it delivered.

"Jay," she groaned, "It'll be three hours tops—I'll buy you a drink and maybe if you don't whine I'll even buy you dinner…" she smirks.

"You're ruining my whole 'stay at home and eat cereal out of the box' all day thing…" he rolled his eyes, "this was meant to be my day off…"

"Yeah but then you wouldn't get to see my beautiful face…" she grinned, "so just come bed shopping with me so we can both be happy…"

Jay doesn't know why he even bothers or how she even got into his apartment in the first place. It's a Saturday morning and Erin wants to buy a bed, like why? He bets her bed is perfectly fine but she was up late watching infomercials because she couldn't sleep and here we are… with Erin wanting to buy a new bed.

"Why do you need me? Don't you have Kelly for all that stuff?"

"I see what this is about…" she chewed on her bottom lip, "you know what—it's fine if you don't want to come."

He sighs pinching his bridge, "that's not what I meant Erin—I just, fine… let's go get you a damn bed…"

"Dinner and drinks on me tonight," she smiles softly, "I promise…"

"I'm counting on it…" he chuckled.

* * *

><p>He slowly opens the door to her bedroom because even though she told him that he should grab her a few things he still feels like he's crossing a boundary before he's meant to. Her bed hasn't been touched and she's got different pieces of clothing all over her floor. She's not a messy person at all but you can tell by the way the clothes are scattered on the floor and all over her bed that she actually pays attention to what she wears. It didn't really occur to him because he just finds her breathtaking regardless of what she's wearing.<p>

He grabs her charger from across the room and throwing a couple of plain t-shirts into a bag. He doesn't know what she'll want to wear so he packs three different coloured—if you could say that… most of her wardrobe is black, white or grey—shirts. He grabs the closest pair of jeans and throws them in the bag too.

He's now on to the harder stuff… like underwear. Like he said before, he's never been in her bedroom in this capacity so he feels like he's overstepping. He honestly doesn't want to pry anymore than he has to… he promised to wait for her to let him in (and that included being in her bedroom and seeing her underwear). He paces around the room contemplating whether or not to call someone to help him out.

He feels ridiculous because in reality it's just underwear but it's _hers_ and that makes a huge difference to him. He sits on her bed dialling Nadia's number, "hey—umm, can you come over to Erin's?" he asks.

He feels like a total tool bag but he has to keep himself from crossing that boundary before he's meant to.

"Okay, cool…" he smiles, "yeah, I'll see you in fifteen minutes."

* * *

><p>Erin's brows furrow concentrating on what bed she could possibly want, there were so many choices and she wanted them all. Her reasoning and rationalisation of the situation was that she was gonna use the bed all the time. The only thing she really was considering was the size—her bedroom was fairly large but she didn't want her bed to take up 95% of that space.<p>

"Erin, what about this one?" he smirks pointing at a single bed, "it's perfect… small and it won't take up your whole room—plus you can pretend like you're in middle school again…"

"You're so helpful…" she rolls her eyes, "you're so validating why I brought you here with me in the first place…" she says sarcastically.

"Plus when you have guys over—assuming you have the time because work…" he chuckles, "you can both pretend to be teens in a tiny single bed and laugh when you fall off it in the middle of having sex…"

Erin scowls at him punching him in the side, "you're gross… you know that right?"

"Yeah but," he winces slightly, "you're the one who invited me along…"

"Clearly not my best decision…" Erin took a deep breath walking ahead of him, "maybe I should have brought Kelly—he would have better insights…"

Jay raises a brow slightly offended by her comment, "meaning?"

"Oh you know exactly what I mean…" she smirked.

* * *

><p>"Jay?" Nadia calls out, "where are you?"<p>

She follows the sound of his voice to find him awkwardly sitting on Erin's bed with a bag that's almost packed. She arches a brow at him, leaning against the doorframe.

"So what's up?" she smiles softly, "I mean you look fine to me so why was I needed?"

Jay sighs chuckling a little, "it's gonna sound stupid…"

Nadia crosses her arms over her chest waiting for a proper answer.

"Girl things…" he rolls his eyes, "like underwear and shit like that…"

Nadia tries to contain her amusement because here she is standing in front of a well-respected detective of the 21st district and he's worrying about seeing his partner's panties. She knew he was good guy but he was unbelievably sweet. It's actually so precious, he's really good to Erin and she's always liked that about him because when push comes to shove he has Erin's back no matter what.

"You called me here because of underwear?" she laughs, "really?"

"I'm being serious Nadia…" Jay glares at the younger girl, "I gotta respect that boundary…"

"You're something," she chuckles, "something _really_ special..."

"Whatever," he shakes his head, "just as long as you pack whatever she needs…"

She smiles at him, "copy that Detective"


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh my goodness, we're almost at 60 follows and I cannot thank you all enough for supporting this fic. I hope y'all enjoy this and let me know what you think in the reviews!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>They'd just finished a drug bust and drinks were well deserved. It was the end of the week and he really just wanted to take a moment to celebrate how amazing their squad is but also celebrate the fact that they're all still alive.<p>

Jay heads on over to his partner, "drinks tonight?" he asks leaning against the lockers, "on me…"

Erin chuckles shaking her head, "what?" she arches a brow, "oh, so you're _actually_ buying?"

"I am offended," he jokes, "c'mon Linds, it's not like I haven't paid for drinks or dinner prior to this…"

She smirks undoing her vest and placing it back into the equipment locker.

Jay arches a brow, "unless you've already got plans…"

She shrugs, "I'm sure Kelly won't mind coming around to Molly's..."

Jay's body stiffens slightly, for a moment he had forgotten that she was in a _relationship_. It didn't that mean their whole dynamic as partners would change, right? All he's ever known with Erin was banter and flirting… that was his relationship—if you could call it that—with Erin. It was fun and light between the two of them but there was always that deeper connection neither one of them could explain, it just was.

"Jay?" she asks, her brows furrowing.

He shakes his head, "yup?"

"You okay?" She smiles softly, "you totally just zoned out…"

Jay nods slowly, "just need a drink, y'know?" he pauses, "Long day..."

She nods placing a hand on his chest, "if you need to talk I'm here..." she pauses, "I'm gonna go see if Burgess is ok but I'm definitely going to hitch a ride over to Molly's so let me know!"

"Yeah," he smiles masking his disappointment, "of course…"

* * *

><p>Adam hadn't been standing there for long but he was there long enough to hear what was going on. He pops his head around the corner and chuckles, "ouch bro…" he sighs, "that was like five degrees off from leaving you with a third degree burn…"<p>

Jay shot him a glare, "one: shut up" he scoffs, "two: she's coming out for drinks, isn't she?"

Adam sits on the bench fixing his shoelaces. To say he was amused was an understatement, he'd known Jay for a little over a year now and you'd have to be super dense to miss the way he and Erin look at each other. I mean the guy was practically living in denial because 'they work together'.

He shakes his head, "yeah—well hate to break it to you pal but she's meeting her boyfriend there…"

"If you want a broken nose, just tell me Ruzek..." he grins smugly, "plus, she's a friend. _Just a friend_."

"All this hostility Jay," He stands up patting Jay on the back, "you just need a fix and it'll be like 'Erin, who?'"

Jay looked at him seriously, "Oh yeah—" he paused, "but I mean since we're on the topic I may just wander over and see if Burgess is free tonight…"

"You wouldn't," Adam calls his bluff, "you're too into Erin to even try it…"

Jay smirked, "I mean she is single and she's not in intelligence so Voight wouldn't be up my ass about it…" he pauses, looking directly at Ruzek, "unless there's something else you're not telling me?"

Adam just knows that Jay is pulling his leg but for the sake of the secret he just knows he has to deny it to everyone they work with. Even if it's really obvious to everyone around them, they can always play the plausible deniability card because no one actually know.

He smiles slightly irritated shaking his head at Jay, "by all means, whatever…" he pauses warning Jay, "just be careful with her."

"I am nothing short of a gentleman, Ruzek..." He smirks watching as Adam squirmed, "you know that…"

* * *

><p>Jay manages to convince majority of their crew into coming to the bar that night.<p>

It wasn't tough, off-duty cops—especially after a long bust like that—always wanted some drinks to simmer down. He and Erin drive over together and he so badly just want to take her hand in his own but they have boundaries since she played the whole 'we should probably just keep it professional' card.

The radio is mostly background noise and the both of them find comfort in the silence. It's never awkward between the two of them and it's mostly because they're on the same wavelength so he doesn't have to worry so much about keeping a conversation with her. He just inherently gets her and she gets him.

"What," Erin asks breaking the silence, "you're thinking so hard I can actually hear you…"

"Nothing," he shakes his head, "It's just a good to be the one driving for once..."

"It's not like I'm going to drive _your_ car…" she chuckles, "and it is after hours…"

"I don't know Erin, I wouldn't put it past you…" Jay smirks, "because after hours is totally going to stop you…"

She smiles softly, "so…"

Jay nods waiting for her to continue.

Erin shrugs, "how have you been?" she pauses, "I feel like I barely see you anymore…"

"Miss my face Linds?" he grins, "or are you having those reoccurring dreams about me again…"

"Okay," she glares at him, "how's about we deflate the ego for a moment…"

He nods, "fine by me…"

She chews on her bottom lip, "I'm being serious though Jay, I feel like I haven't seen or spoken to you in forever..."

"I've been good," he shrugs, "nothing to worry about at all and you don't have to feel guilty for being busy…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she looks at him, "and don't say nothing…"

"It's not meant to mean anything," he shrugs, "I literally just mean that you've been busy…"

Erin sighed turning to look out her window, "are we really doing this Jay?"

"Doing what?" he arched a brow, his voice raising slightly out of frustration, "because last time I check we were still doing nothing. Nada. Zilch."

He pauses lowering his voice, "I mean really Erin, what are we doing?"

Erin's irritated at the fact that he's irritated. It wasn't meant to be like this between the two of them. They were meant to be good buddies, play around, flirt but there was something so much more there and she's trying her hardest to deny it and give him space. But he's acting like she's completely stopped caring for him and that's not true at all.

She takes a deep breath, "are we really going to dance around each other like nothing happened?"

"Nothing happened," he whispers, "that's what I'm saying Erin."

He pulls over to the side of the road so that they could have a proper conversation. He turns to her and lets out a heavy sigh, "I mean if something did happen then I would explain myself but _nothing _happened…"

"Jay..." she whispers, "I—"

"No, we did our own thing and that's fine Erin," he shakes his head, "just don't patronize me…"

"No it's not that…" her brows furrow, "I just…"

"Look," he sighs, "you're one of my closest friends and I get that you're not available all the time and that's okay… I'll get over it…"

"But I don't want you to get over it…" she sighs, "I want you to be mad at me and I want you to give me the cold shoulder because it would be easier to be okay with that, than to have you be so freaking nice and understanding all the time!"

He smiles softly, "always the perfect gentleman…"

"It's annoying," she groans, "and to think some girl hasn't claimed you yet…"

"I just haven't claimed her yet," he shrugs, "still waiting for one day, I guess…"

* * *

><p>She spends the rest of the drive in her own head because she feels like a dick for being the one he's pining over. The feelings are mutual and he knows that but neither one of them wants to do the half-assed 'let's be a secret' thing. It's all in with them or it's nothing.<p>

"Okay," she sighs, "I can't do this… I feel like an ass…"

He arches a brow pulling up into the parking lot.

"I'm sorry…" she whispers scared if they go any deeper into this conversation she's just going to feel crappier.

He turns the engine off looking at her, "Erin…"

She looks at him, smiling nervously.

Jay leans over and kisses her on the forehead, "I'm sorry if that sounded like I was accusing you…" he sighs, "I didn't mean for it to sound that way—you have nothing to apologise for…"

She chews on her bottom lip, "you are a good man, Jay Halstead…" she smiles softly, gently stroking his face, "you deserve so much more than me…"

He shakes his head, "don't do that, you gotta stop devaluing yourself…" he smiles softly, "I deserve you and all of you, any guy would be so lucky…"

"There you go again," she rolls her eyes, "I hate that you're so good to me…"

"It's a part of my charm," he chuckles, "I'm counting on that one day promise, Linds…"

She smiles softly, "okay..."

"Okay..." he nods.

* * *

><p>He's drained and he doesn't realize he's fallen asleep on Erin's couch waiting for Nadia to finish off the packing. Somewhere between the jokes and him rolling his eyes he managed to doze off for a half hour. He thanks Nadia again for everything, despite being made fun of for the past hour or so.<p>

He stops by his place before heading back to the hospital taking a quick shower and grabbing something to eat. When he gets back she's flicking through the channels on her TV. It's probably the longest time she's actually spent looking at a TV screen this month because work has been a total bitch. He clears his throat, "am I interrupting?"

"Thank god you're back," she groans, "I've had it up to my ears with people visiting today…"

"Erin Lindsay," he chuckles, "people lover…"

"It's not that I don't appreciate it because I do," she sighs, "it's just a little too much…"

"Don't have to explain it to me," he chuckles sitting back down in his chair, "but I am the greatest and I brought your things…"

"Thanks for this," she smiles, "really…"

"But just one thing I want on the record—" he shrugs, "I didn't see anything I wasn't meant to…"

"What do you mean?" she asks arching a brow, "I mean my unmentionables are all hidden…" she jokes.

"Okay, one: don't say that every again," he shakes his head laughing a little, "and two: I meant basics like underwear…"

Erin's face completely lights up because he literally is so good to her. A perfect freaking gentleman… he literally didn't even want to see her underwear. I mean, how is he even real? She smiles at him because she doesn't know whether to laugh or to straight up kiss him.

"I know it's stupid…"

"No," Erin shakes her head laughing a little, "Jay, you're literally the sweetest but I mean how did you manage to pack everything if you didn't see them?"

"I called Nadia," he shrugs, "don't worry she laughed at me to…"

"You are one of a kind," she smiles, "thanks Jay…"

"I told you perfect gentleman," he smirks, "I mean eventually you're going to willingly show me your underwear and that would be so much more satisfying…"

"And there you go," she throws a spare pillow at him, "ruining the moment…"

* * *

><p>They're separated as soon as they walk into the bar. Jay watches as she makes her way over to Kelly who makes her smile that stupid smile of hers. He watches as Kelly wraps an arm around her waist and kiss her on the cheek.<p>

"Ouch…" Adam sighs putting an arm around Jay's shoulder, "that one has got to be a stinger…"

"Really," Jay looks over at Ruzek, "are you really doing this now?"

"You know it," he grins, "first round is on me buddy..."

"Good..." he grins elbowing Adam in the side, "because I need it…"

He grabs a table for four because that's their usual number. He knows she's won't sit with them for at least another hour. So he just watches her mingling with people from the firehouse—y'know his ex-girlfriend Gabby and well Shay who he thinks is cool—she fits right in with them.

Burgess plonks down next to him, "you know she's happy..."

Jay turns to smile at her, "hey..."

"Hey yourself..." she smiles softly, "don't stare too much… you'll make it obvious…" she jokes.

He rolls his eyes at her, "How you feeling?"

"A little shaken up," she shrugs, "but I got the job done..."

"That you did…" he nods wrapping an arm around her, "you did a good job today..." He smiles.

Kim looks back over to Erin and Kelly then back at Jay. She really feels for the guy, "does it bother you that you can't be with her?"

Jay arched a brow, "what do you mean?"

"C'mon Jay," she rolls her eyes, "Voight's got that whole no in-house relationships policy…"

"Ah, I see," he chuckles softly, "yeah it does bother me sometimes but then I think about it and like do I want to mess things up with her?"

"I totally get it," she smiles softly, "but she's happy despite everything..."

"I know," he shrugs, "and that's all I want for her… to be happy."

Ruzek sits across from them placing the drinks in the middle of the table, "what are you two old ladies gossiping about?"

"Nothing really," Kim shrugs, "Jay was just congratulating me on today's bust..."

"Jay, huh?" Ruzek arched a brow, "first name basis..."

"Ruzek, don't be a prick and give the poor girl a drink..." Halstead chuckles.

"If you insist..." Adam smirks placing a drink in front of Jay.

Jay glares at Adam moving the beer in front of Kim, "my lady…" he smiles.

"Why thank you kind Sir..." She chuckles, sipping on the cold beer.

* * *

><p>They're genuinely laughing together because they've pretty much seen it all with one another. Good, bad and ugly. He smiles at her as she placed a loose hair behind her ear.<p>

"You were so mad at me…" he chuckled, "and you lectured me all the way back to your place…"

"Well you were being stupid," she rolled her eyes, "I think you could use a refresher on Erin Lindsay's bar etiquette…"

"I was inebriated," he paused, "not mental…"

"Could have fooled me that night…" she chuckled, "you had me so worried…"

"Is that why you didn't let me go home that night?" he arched a brow, "you literally locked me in your apartment…"

Erin chewed on her bottom lip, pulling her knees in towards her chest. That night was game changer for her. She rarely worries about Jay and the choices he makes in his personal time but that night she just couldn't stand back and watch. She broke about five different personal rules for herself that night but she felt obligated to.

"I just needed to make sure you were safe," she shrugs, "and you're safest when you have me as backup…"

He smiles softly closing his eyes, "it was a dark day Erin and you were there to pick up the pieces…"

"I promised to have your back," she smiled resting her head on her knees, "badge or no badge…"

* * *

><p>Burgess had gone off to do some recon and hangout with the rest of the girls. All he could really do was watch from their table as Erin smiled her stupid smile. Stupid dimples. Stupid nose scrunch as she laughed. Stupid.<p>

"Halstead," Ruzek chuckled, "you're staring again…"

"And so are you," Jay arched a brow, "because you wouldn't have noticed me looking at her if you weren't looking in the same direction…"

"She's got a boyfriend man," Adam shrugged, "so you've got that going for you…"

"And you've got a fiancée," Jay rolled his eyes, "unless something has changed recently?"

Adam shook his head sipping on his beer.

Jay sighs drinking more of his beer. He looks over at Adam who looks equally as annoyed as he does, "love sucks…" he sighed.

"Love only sucks," Kelly smiled draping an arm around the two cops, "when you can't score it…" He chuckled leaving the two cops to mope as he made his way back to his group.

"Douchebag…" the two muttered in unison.


	9. Chapter 9

Jay looked worse than she did and she's the one that got shot and was hooked up to all the medical equipment. The dark circles under his eyes would take at least a good fortnight to get rid of and Erin couldn't help but feel sorry for him because she's the only reason why he's still sitting in that stupid chair. She feels fine and she's being discharged tomorrow so she doesn't know why he's still worrying. She would be fine without him throughout the night and tomorrow she could sleep in her ridiculously comfy bed.

"Hey…" she smiles, "you know I'll be okay…"

Jay looks over to her and smiles softly, "I know you will…"

"So, why don't you head on home and get some sleep…" she shrugs, "I'll see you tomorrow…"

"Are you sure?" he arches a brow, "I mean if you want me to go, I will…"

"It's not that," Erin chuckles, "I just want you to get some rest…"

"I'm okay," he reassures her, "I promise…"

"Go home and stop losing sleep over me…" she whispers, "I promise I'll be okay and that I will see you tomorrow…"

He nods slowly getting up from his chair and pressing a soft kiss on Erin's forehead, "goodnight Linds…" 

* * *

><p>"Hey buddy," Erin smiled sitting down next to Jay at the bar, "how are you doing?"<p>

"You know your eyes sparkle in the light…" he slurred, "like _really_ sparkle…"

"Mmkay," she rolled her eyes taking his last drink and downing it before he could squeeze in a word, "I think we've surpassed our limits tonight…"

"That was rude and uncalled for," he scowled, "I was drinking that… you owe me a drink!"

"Maybe another night," she nodded, "I think we should head home…"

"I think you owe me a drink…" he stated, "because you just drank my drink…"

Erin sighed taking his keys for safekeeping and it's not that she thought Jay would ever be stupid enough to put himself behind the wheel but she was still thoroughly concerned. She'd never seen him this drunk and under these circumstances, or maybe it's because she's totally sober. She realizes that she probably should have cut him off three drinks ago but she's never had to do that before.

"Erin," he sighs, "are you being serious? I'm fine…"

"Jay," she puts his arm around her shoulders lifting him off of the chair, "I'm being completely serious…"

"I don't get you," he stumbled, "one moment I'm at arms length and then the next moment you're taking me home…" 

* * *

><p>He hasn't spoken a word to her since they got into her car and he refuses to look at her. It frustrates her because she's doing it for his safety and all he can do is look pouty.<p>

"Jay are you seriously going to sit there silently hating me?" she asks still receiving no reply.

"Fine," she sighs, "hate me but in the morning you're going to thank me for dragging your heavy ass out that door…"

Jay refuses her help out of the car and into her apartment building. He doesn't know why she didn't just take him home. He's actually really annoyed at her because it wasn't like he was causing any harm to anyone if he wanted to drink himself crazy for one night.

He can feel her looking at him all sad and sympathetically but he couldn't care less. He isn't her boyfriend, he's her partner and that's all there is. That means he's not obligated to listen to her and go along with everything she does because it'll make her happy. Erin can pretend that she's all high and mighty because she thinks that she's helping him out but he knows its because she feels guilty—for what? He'll never know but he can just see it in her eyes.

"Are you going to ignore me for the rest of the night?" she arched a brow, "because let me know…"

"How am I meant to ignore you when every five seconds you're looking at me like I'm going to do something stupid…" he mutters, "how am I meant to ignore you when you're constantly asking me shit…" 

* * *

><p>"Why the hell are you so mad at me?"<p>

"Are you being serious?" he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "you've got to be kidding me Linds…"

"No," she throws her hands up in defeat, sitting down on the couch, "I'm not kidding you at all…"

"I'd rather go to sleep than talk to you about this," he shrugged, "because I'm _drunk_ and I'll just make stupid decisions, right?"

"Jay," she sighed, "c'mon…"

"No Erin," his voice rising slightly, "you come on!"

Jay's hands were balled into fist and he could feel his heart racing. He could feel his anger rising and he didn't necessarily want to yell at her but she was making it so hard for him to repress his frustration.

"Fine," she whispers, "let's just go to bed…"

"Every single time we get close," Jay pauses, "you pull away from me..."

"And it just makes me feel stupid for letting you get under my skin like this..." he whispers.

"You dated Severide and you and I both know that I could give you something more than he ever could…" he looks at her, "but that's fine Erin… do whatever you want but stop dragging me through it and stringing me along…"

He sighs sitting down on the couch leaving enough space between the two of them. He sighs, "look—I'm all in if you're ready for it but it just seems like you don't want this…"

"I do Jay..." She sighs fiddling with her fingers, "I just—"

"Please don't lie to my face Erin—" he sits with his head in his hands trying to stop the alcohol from seeping any further into his brain, "I'm drunk not stupid..."

She moves closer towards him tucking her feet under, "do you know how much self-control I have to exercise when I'm around you?"

He sits there silently letting her have her moment.

"It takes so much effort Jay," she chews on her bottom lip, "because the want is there... It is..."

"Hey," she whispers, "look at me..."

"Why?" He leans back against her couch, eyes still closed.

She strokes his cheek gently, "c'mon Jay... Look at me..."

He unwillingly opens his eyes meeting her hazel ones.

"I want you," She smiles sadly, "I just can't have you..."

"Okay," he sighs, "way to rub salt in my wounds Linds..."

Erin was losing him and he wasn't even hers to begin with. She was terrified of him leaving or realising she wasn't worth his time anymore. She was terrified that if they actually got together she'd just fuck it up. She didn't ever want to be his ex and she never wanted to hurt him. Yet she could see how badly she was hurting him by just being around him. She didn't say anything she just cupped his face in her hands deliberating if this was a good idea.

He leaned in close and she could feel his breath on her lips. Her own breath hitches in the back of her throat as she nervously tried to decide whether or not she was going to give into her own desires.

She swallows nervously licking her own lips before moving away.

"We can't…" she whispers, "you're drunk…"

"I'm just making my point," he shrugs, "even if I wasn't drunk you wouldn't have kissed me…"

He was so close to her yet he was so unbelievably far from her or where he wanted to be. That moment for Jay was an eye opener and it definitely sobered him up.

"I can't do this right now…" he whispered, "just go to bed…"

"Jay…"

"Erin please…" He shakes his head, "If you care for me at all…"

"You're going to get up and go to bed…" he sighed. 

* * *

><p>When she wakes up the next morning her couch is empty and she can't help but feel like a jackass. They would always have the right feelings for one another but they'd never have the right timing... Maybe this would work out in another lifetime but in this one it just wouldn't happen.<p>

A part of her is disappointed that they couldn't continue the fight over breakfast burritos and coffee but she understands why he left. She has tried calling but he's not picking up, so she leaves him the same message of her apologizing over and over again. She understands wholeheartedly if he didn't want to talk to her and she knows she should give him space. But at the same time she doesn't want to lose him—although she might have already lost him.

She knew better than to have gone to bed without resolving their issues. She should've fought with him harder but she didn't. She let him sleep mad and she let him believe that she didn't want him as bad as he wanted her. She knows she fucked up and she just doesn't know how she's going to fix it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi lovely readers, so apparently it gets a little confusing when I jump between past and present Lindstead. So anytime Erin's in the hospital it's present time and any other location is a flashback. I'll let you know in future chapters where in time we sit! AND A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR FAVOURITING/FOLLOWING/REVIEWING THIS STORY.**

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><p><em>Present Day, Hospital.<em>

Jay slept soundly that night, although he still felt like he owed it to Erin to be with her until she was home and in her own bed. He just couldn't shake the feeling that he was letting her down by actually being able to rest. He knows coffee won't make up for it but it's a start, he makes the ten-minute drive just because he knows that Erin's very particular about her coffee. The café is only a couple blocks away from the district and surprisingly they aren't busy, he grabs their usual orders and a bagel for good measure—Erin's extremely grumpy when she's hungry—because with hospital food in the equation there was no doubt in his mind that she would be an unhappy woman.

_J: Morning sunshine! Coffee and bagels, you're welcome.  
>E: You better not be texting and driving!<br>J: You think so highly of me Linds… Do you really think I'm that dense?  
>E: Clearly. And no, I just need you to be safe or at least get that bagel to me before you get all stupid!<br>J: Not even a 'thank you Jay'… you're quite a charmer…  
>E: Just give me my bagel and you'll get a thank you. <em>

Jay makes his way towards her room passing Sarah on the way over, "Morning Doc, I hope it's all good news?"

The young doctor nods, "we monitored her all night and all her tests results were good…"

"Thanks," he smiles softly, "I know I've said it a lot over the past couple of days but I really do mean it…"

"No sweat," she smiles, "you keep doing your job and I'll keep doing my job…"

* * *

><p>Jay leans against her doorframe, "did someone say coffee and bagels?" he smirks, "but I mean I know Voight taught you to use your manners so no food until I hear the words 'please' and 'thank you' come straight out of your mouth…"<p>

"Well don't you just look sprightly and rested," she smiled, "I don't mean to brag but I did tell you that I would be fine and here we are…"

Jay rolled his eyes placing her coffee down on the bedside table, "that's what you're going with?"

Erin smiles softly as Jay hands over her bagel, "thanks for the bagel though…"

"Ah, there's the magic word…" Jay chuckled, "you're welcome…"

Erin takes a bite and her eyes flutter shut in appreciation, "you don't understand how good this is…"

"Oh wow—keep it in your pants Linds," Jay chuckles, "it's just your regular bagel…"

"No," she shakes her head, "this is _everything_ to me…"

* * *

><p>"Yeah," he nods, "okay… I'll be right there…"<p>

Jay lets out a chuckle, "yeah, I'll be sure to let her know…"

"I know," he sighs, "I'll see you in ten…"

"New case?" Erin asks giving him a puzzled look, "because for a second there I thought you looked kind of disappointed…"

Jay nods grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair, "I'm not disappointed just annoyed...'"

"Yeah," she rolls her eyes, "well if it's any consolation I'd take the case and leave you in the hospital, if the roles were reversed…"

"I'm sure," he chuckles pressing a soft kiss on her forehead, "I'll see you after shift, and Antonio says the squad says 'hi'—and Linds stop giving the nurses grief…" he jokes.

"Whatever," she purses her lips, "just make sure you're not being stupid because I'm not there to save your ass…"

"I won't," he smiles before walking towards the door, "after shift—I'll bring you home… promise."

"Your words, not mine…" she chuckles.

* * *

><p>She spends the rest of the day either flicking through channels and watching informercials or counting the tiles on her ceiling. For once, Erin is actually refusing to be productive or active. Alec and Sarah are still taking blood samples and checking on her bandage every now and again, ensuring that she's medically 'okay'.<p>

Erin's also pretending that she's not counting down the hours until Jay comes back and brings her home. Although she does organize her discharge papers in that time—all for good measure—because she wants majority of the forms to be filled out by the time Jay gets back. She really _really _just wanted to be in her own bed.

When Jay finally gets back she's relieved that he's okay. Against the doctor's wishes and born of her stubbornness, Erin refuses to be pushed out of the hospital in a wheelchair.

"It's ridiculous," she purses her lips, "I can walk…"

Jay holds his hands up in defeat, too tired to argue with her.

Erin continues grumbling about feeling stupid and it feeling degrading, although it probably was a good idea to have the chair. It did take her five steps to catch up to Jay's every second step.

"You okay," Jay stops turning to face her, "I mean we can still get the chair, you know?"

"I'm fine," Erin shakes her head leaning against the wall, "I just need a moment…"

Jay walks over to her instinctively wrapping an arm around her waist, letting her rest her weight on him. He smiles at her and even though she's all pouty now he knows that she's thankful that he's the one that's by her side.

"I had it under control," she looks up at him, "I could have done it…"

"I have no doubt in my mind that you could've," he chuckles, "I'm just saying that it may or may not have taken us another year to get to my car…"

"You know," she purses her lips and jabbing Jay in the side, "you're a jerk more often than not…"

"Uh huh", He winces slightly opening the door for her, "just get in the car…"

* * *

><p>Erin rests her head against the cool glass window, really just paying attention to how beautiful her city really is. She finds herself reveling in her own thoughts, desperately trying to figure out a way to thank Jay for sticking with her. She's not easiest person to get to know (and she knows that) but she's glad that he's the one who's breaking through the tough exterior.<p>

She tucks her hands underneath her butt, warming them up—she's never had good circulation in her fingers—they're always so cold during the winters. Jay turns his head slightly, checking in on her for a moment. Erin looks over and smiles back reassuring him that she was feeling fine. He nods concentrating on the road once more.

She rests her head against the window again, her eyes fluttering shut listening to the hushed sounds of the radio.

In the twenty minutes that Jay was driving Erin had managed to fall asleep but for the first time he doesn't feel the urge to check her pulse. For once he isn't terrified that she isn't going to wake up. He parks out front, grabbing her overnight bag from the back seat and throwing it over his shoulder.

Jay makes his way over to her side of the car, quietly opening the door and scooping Erin up into his arms. She instinctively buries her face in his chest and he can't help but smile.

* * *

><p>"Erin," Jay whispered gently setting her down on her bed, "you're home…"<p>

Her eyes open slowly and she smiles at him groggily, "thanks for driving me home…" she whispers back.

"Anytime," he shrugs pressing a soft kiss on her forehead, "you okay?"

"Yeah," she nods slowly, "are you leaving?"

"Depends," he chuckles softly sitting down on her bed, "did you still need me?"

"Always," she jokes, "are you in a rush to get home?"

Jay shakes his head, "what's up?"

Erin chews on her bottom lip shrugging slightly, "stay with me?"

He nods laying down next to her, "dinner's on you though…" he chuckles softly.

She moves in closer to him, snuggling into his side. She lets out a content sigh not even caring that they were three steps over the line of professionalism.

"Whatever," she whispers drifting back to sleep.


End file.
